Thize

Thize is a character in The $300,000 Fight-A-Thon, the eighth Season Intermission battle.

Description
Standing six foot even tall, on two legs which end in webbed feet, and a slender build, jagged in its edges, all topped off by a head wearing a messy haircut, with gills protruding from the sides of high sloped cheekbones, Thize casts a remarkable figure. Though most of these remarks would be considered derogatory towards him, as, for as alien as he looks, Thize is nothing more than a mutant human. Like in X Men. Except less cool because he doesn’t have two opposing forces constantly at war with each other at how to deal with the non-mutated most of the human population. The closest equivalent Thize has to that is a bunch of comic book nerds who walk by his beach front property occasionally and ask if he’s aquaman. Which he is not. Of course all of this tangent belongs more in backstory than a physical description of his appearance, but whoever is jotting this all down seems to be too lazy to organize her ideas into any recognizable form. Right, character description. Thize has the skin tone of a sunbather who has cooked all day in the sun, a light red nearly bordering on pink. In contrast, most of the clothing he wears is some form of blue and gold. He likes bold colors, because Thize himself is a bold person. You sort of have to be in his condition, otherwise those comic book nerds constantly taunting you to tease the whales would have gotten you down by now. But not Thize. He is completely one hundred percent confident in himself. And the reason he avoids pink like the plague despite the coloring of his skin has nothing to with any lost sense of self worth due to his mutations. None at all. Really he’s kind of a free spirit. He tries not to be bogged down by the day to day trappings and let the current carry him from place to place. Despite not being all that cool with his mutations, he takes a lot of life inspiration from fish and the like. He can be as vicious as a shark in one moment, and then as friendly as a dolphin, with an ego as massive as a whale to boot. (What do you mean only one of those was actually a fish?). He’s a bit loud too. Though that’s hardly fish inspired, because it is hard to be loud underwater, unless technically you’re a whale and you sing, but whales aren’t fish so that comparison won’t fly anymore. His hair is cobalt black, and because swimming all too often doesn’t leave time for proper haircare, especially with long hair, Thize is in constant combat with his own wild child hair to try to reap some dignity from his preferred style. A battle he is eternally destined to lose. Not that he will admit it. Thize is totally convinced his hair is cool, and not too long or stupidly styled in any way. His eyes are pink like his skin. His horns too, though those are more of a corally form of pink, than the bright red of his skin and eyes. He can’t really explain the horns either, one day he felt a bump in his head and then they grew there. But that’s more background detail, this is upfront character detail. Though small tidbits of his personality have been littered throughout this descrption, the most important thing to remember is, Thize is a jerk. He may be a likable jerk, an understandable jerk, a funny jerk at times even, but that never stops his jerkiness rating from crashing through the roof. He’s also stubborn to the point of stupidity. Some part of him, in the back of his mind sunk in a pool of denial knows that most of what he assumes is the universe actively trying to prove him wrong is just misfortune caused by his own actions. Not that he would ever admit this. He doesn’t admit a lot of things. He does like Fish Puns though. He would admit to that any time.

Equipment/Abilities
He can swim like a fish (Or mammal apparently if you want to drag dolphins into this comparison) and breathe in air or underwater, but unlike the aquaman he is so callously compared too, he can neither talk to whales, nor manipulate water in any form. He can however, create and manipulate the flight path of special bubbles he makes by… by… well he was never clear in the details during his interview with us, but it seems to be some type of science power that resulted in the wake of his mutation. These bubbles form in his hands, and sometimes he just blows them straight from his mouth. They’re as dense as he wants them to be, and fly around in the direction he wills as long as his hands are free. Just like that though, they are pretty harmless. You’d get a better effect throwing dodge balls at an opponent. The real trick is the stuff he hides in those bubbles. When the opponent is lucky, it’s just some form of cheap but flashy explosive, because man does this guy like to show off. The rest of the time he’ll pack a nasty surprise waiting for whoever is on the other end of the bubble when it pops. Which is most likely the opponent because once again, he can control where the bubbles go, though sometimes he hits himself with his own bubbles because, you know between you and me, not that bright of a guy.

Backstory
During the interview, our fishy friend seemed, somewhat fidgety when tied to a chair and forced to stay put on dry land. Most would consider our methods a bit extreme, but Mr. Thize was the man who had called us out to his little swamp fortress thing in the first place, so he must have been prepared for anything from our hard hitting news crew. Also, he owns a swamp fortress, it was to put on a serious face all throughout without cracking up in laughs at the cliché of it all. The first thing to be noticed about Thize is his love for the water. If it isn’t his constant barraging of fish puns, it’s the way he seems on land. Just. Out of place. It’s the only good way of describing it. When asked where his love of the water first started, the mutant had this to reply.

“Love? It’s more like, a life. As a kid there was never much to do in the swamp front property my dad had secured because ‘It’s such a steal son, there will be no teenagers to bug us out in the middle of nowhere, and the land is perfect for the price we’re getting,’ he never did mention the price, but I assume it was abysmally low. We never had much money back then anyway. A nice house built on shoddy land must have been a godsend. So yeah, for somebody as great as me, stuck in the middle of a boring old lake, swamp, whatever, there was nowhere to go but the water. So I swam. A lot.”

“Isn’t your current condition a result of swimming too much in irradiated water”

“You know, most of the time, being too cool to get out of the water after the neighboring nuclear plant dumps a bunch of toxins in your lake would result in boring old cancer. I’m too awesome for that, so instead I just got a bunch of super powers. Like in the comic books, where messing with deadly chemicals sometimes results in things besides horrible mutations when you’re a main character.”

“So you consider yourself the main character.”

“Whose else is there really.”

“And a mutant.”

“Yes. You don’t know how many times I’ve been called an alien or an altantean. It’s really frigging annoying. Look I was just a normal kid who swam around in some funky chemicals, and then got turned into this. There’s nothing magical about it at all. Nothing fishy either.”

At that point, he was laughing so ferociously at his own pun, the newsteam decided to stop filming the interview for the preservation of everybody’s sanity. And also because that guy smelled like irradiated fish. Which is like normal fish stank, but worse.