Damse

Damse is a character in The Opulent Quarrel.

Biography
Damse was the most beautiful woman in the world and also the strongest. Suitors came from all over the land to the kingdom of Tress just to catch a glimpse of her beauty and they generally got a good smack in the face as a bonus.

Eventually, Manelaus the Manly came to Tress and sought to win Damse's heart. He failed, but the fact that he was goddamn rich won Damse's father over and the patriarchial system took care of the rest. And so they were to be wed in the unlikely event that Damse didn't flatten him first.

But it was not to be. And not for Damse's intervention, sadly. For the wicked and handsome Prince Detroit, driven by Damse's beauty, told her many stories of his wonderful city in between pleadings not to be hit in the face. And she thought it sounded perfect, mostly for the fact that it had very high walls to keep people out, and so she left with him. ''But only because he was the only one who knew the way. Otherwise she would have just knocked him out and taken his ship''.

Manelaus was angered by the theft of his bride-to-be, and gathered an army of the bravest warriors to take the city of Troit and reclaim Damse. Not that anyone ever asked her if that was what she wanted. They fought their way to the city gates, but could not force them opened. Then one among their number, Smartius the Cunning, came up with a plan: building a hollow wooden horse and hiding their soldiers inside it. They built the horse, ''and then Damse, now as tired of Troit and its prince as she had been of Tress and her husband-to-be, smashed down the doors and started fighting her way through Manelaus' army, humiliating such legendary warriors as Mightius the Mighty, Swiftius the Swift, and Glassjaw the Invincible. Not to mention her fiance Manelaus. After that, she grabbed Sailus the Sailor by the throat and demanded he sail her far away from either kingdom, and from there embarked on a series of exciting journeys''.

Narra the Storyteller scowled as she read through her book. "Pran!" she shouted at her husband. "Have you been interfering with my stories again?"

Pran the Trickster simply smiled.

"All I did was make her the strongest woman in the world," he replied. "The rest was the book writing in itself as the story unfolded."

"You've ruined everything!" Narra shouted. "This story was going to be my masterpiece! And it was going to lead into so many others! But now instead of a sixteen-year journey home, Smartius just sits on the shores of Troit for a while nursing his wounds, and then goes home to have his wife yell at him."

"That sounds like quite a time-saver," Pran replied.

"Shut up! Look, now Damse is ruining everything. She frightened King Truthus with a warning to respect pedestrians when he tried to run her off the road."

"That seems like sound advice to me," Pran said with a grin.

"But now when he comes across his estranged son Oectipus, he'll just let him pass instead of provoking him to murder! And then Oectipus won't go on to marry his own mother and then gouge out his own eyes! And that's just the start of all the problems Damse's caused!"

"I don't see what you're so upset about, my dear," Pran replied. "I think it's more interesting this way."

Narra was unimpressed.

"Do you even realize what you've done?"

"I just gave her incredible strength," he said calmly. "What she did with it was up to her."

Narra glared at her husband for three whole minutes, then sighed.

"Much as I hate to admit you're right," she grumbled. "This is Damse's fault. And that means she has to be punished."

The Storyteller opened up her book, and groaned.

"Oh, come on! Now she's broken Mightius' back just as I was about to send him on his seven labors! The nerve of that girl! How dare she harm that man before I can inflict my punishment on him!"

Pran looked confused.

"Wait. I thought you liked him?"

"No, I hate him until he completes the impossible tasks I set before him, then I have a change of heart and treat him as my own son. But there's no way I can do that to him with those wounds! Curse you, Damse!"

There was a thunderclap.

"Ah... did you just literally curse her?"

"Oh!" Narra said, excitedly. "No, I didn't, but now that you mention it, that's a good idea." She snapped her fingers, and Damse appeared before them.

"Oh, gods," Damse groaned.

"That's right! I am the Goddess Narra, the Storyteller!" Narra shouted. "And you have angered me, Damse the Beautiful. I gave you the gift of ultimate beauty..."

"...which I never asked for..." Damse muttered, rolling her eyes.

"...and instead of simply being kidnapped and fought over and then rescued, you had to go and defeat everyone on both sides of the war! Do you realize what that's done to all the stories I had planned?"

Damse shrugged.

"So what? They were all jerks. What else was I going to do? I mean, I was strong enough to take them."

"That was my gift, by the way," Pran whispered to her. "You're welcome."

"You stay out of this, Pran!" Narra shouted. "You've caused enough trouble!" She directed her glare back at Damse. "Now, as for you. Since you've disrupted my stories so much, I think I'll take that power away from you."

Narra started writing in her book.

And so Narra placed Damse, the strongest and most beautiful woman in the world, under a curse. If she tried to change a story by force, her strength would leave her.

Narra paused.

"Oh, dash it. I need to have a condition for ending the curse. It's not a proper story without that!" She thought hard, and then smiled. "Oh, wait! I know the perfect one."

As Damse had prevented Mightius from even starting his Seven Labors, she was to take on the impossible tasks herself. If she could complete the tasks, then she would be free.

"There!" Narra said, satisfied. Damse and Pran looked puzzled.

"So what exactly did you do?" Damse asked. Narra sighed, and read back what she had just written. Damse shrugged in response.

"Well, all right then. What's the first of these impossible labors?"

Narra was dumbstruck. She hadn't thought that far ahead.

"Give me a moment while I look them up," she lied. She buried her face in the book as she tried to think something up. And then a passage began to write itself.

And so Tiff searched the multiverse, and selected eight fighters to take the place of the Sophisticate's uninteresting choices.

One of these eight new combatants was Damse, the strongest and most beautiful woman of her world...

Narra looked up. Damse was gone.

"Oh. I suppose it doesn't particularly matter now." She put the book back. "Well, that's gone and worked itself out nicely, hasn't it?"

"If you say so, dear," Pran replied noncommitally.

"Good, good. I do believe I'll go for a walk and see how my other stories are doing without her getting in the way."

Pran didn't say a word as the Storyteller walked out, leaving her book behind.

Once she was gone, Pran picked up the book and started flipping through it.

Round One:

Description
The first thing anyone notices about Damse is how stunningly beautiful she is. The second thing they notice is generally how angry she gets when they tell her this.

Damse has short blond hair, and wears a white chiton and sandals. She also has a fairly muscular build for a woman, but not to excess. She's about six feet tall.

Damse is quick to anger when someone is hitting on her, but she's generally pretty calm otherwise. She's also rather bitter about Narra's curse keeping her violent urges in check most of the time; as a result, if she gets an opportunity to actually fight someone or something, she'll probably make the most of it.

Abilities
Damse has incredible strength and beauty, and is a skilled fighter. Unfortunately, her strength is rather constrained by the fact that she can't use it to defy the "story"; what this means will vary from round to round, though it's pretty much a constant that she won't be allowed to fight back if she's kidnapped.

In addition, if Damse were to complete the Seven Labors set for her, then she would be lifted of her curse and able to act freely. Of course, as the Labors would all be from her world, this is clearly not going to be a factor in the battle at all.