Cornflake Charmtape

Cornflake Charmtape is a character in the Non-Canon battle The Byzantine Consternation

Biography:
“And thassall fer…today, k*hic*ids.” The murmuring man at the bar was slumped almost over the marble countertop, in the sort of slow-motion descent that so often mirrors lives. In this case the man’s life would hold a mirror right back, asking what right the slump had to give an indicator of its poor state. But it was accurate – deathly accurate. The man had given up on the material world. “T-thanks fer watchin’ – an’ remember t’ have another laugh, jus’ fer y’self, aright?” If he had the will to turn his head, an observer might catch a glimpse of a familiar face. Familiar because until only recently, it shone out of the television, enrapturing and entertaining in that special way only good hosts can. At the peak of its ratings, “The Charmtape Hour” had been tuned into almost universally by children-bearing households, with its eponymous host: Cornflake Charmtape! He lived and breathed the part, legally changing his name for it, giving up his life and becoming the comedic children’s show host. With features for all ages, a different program every day of the week, guest stars and ‘visits’ from cartoon characters, The Charmtape Hour was zany, hilarious, yet never so silly that any fan could really outgrow it. “…tune’n *hic* t’morrow…” Yet somehow, they did. Times changed, and television, eventually, had to give way. And with it went the Charmtape Hour, and with it went Cornflake Charmtape. Somehow, off the camera, he simply wasn’t as amusing as he had been. He was the same, but the world had changed, grown immune to his brand of children’s humor. And what was there left for him now? He had given up everything for the show – a show that now lingered in dusty archives, no longer even rerun. “We’re g’nna bring in Speed “Staples” Johnson from th’ NASCAR…look for’d to it! *cough* *sniff* ty’all, this is Cornflake Charmtape, endin’ the Charmtape *hic* hour…” Eventually, he lived – and drank – on the last compensation check from the now-tiny television network, slurring his story and old Charmtape scripts over the bar. He would have liked to think he wanted to die; yet he knew deep inside he still wanted to shine. He just needed another chance, in a world where innocent humor still could live… “Barkeep, d’ye think this ol’ Cornflake might come back one d-” The barkeeper turned to answer, but Charmtape’s stool stood empty.

Description:
Cornflake was wearing a rather nondescript and shabby grey bag o’ this-must-have-been-a-shirt-once and some rather smart black pants covered in lint at the time of his being taken. He’ll probably wear something snazzier later. He’s of average height and build, though something about his body shape makes him look excitable, even moreso when he is. He’s developed something of a drinking problem, but hasn’t been at it long enough to really affect his body. When he’s not drunk, his personality is contagiously bright and cheerful – sometimes almost too cheerful, like he’s putting on an act. Then again, he’s Cornflake Charmtape. Of course it’s an act, but at the same time it is his own personality. He’s also an attention-seeker, and does not like being alone.

Weapons/Abilities:
He has a natural talent for humor, though that might be a little rusty now. He can also cook a little. He has a flask of vodka in his back pocket if that’s any use for anything other than destroying livers.