The Vase

The Vase is a character in the Non-Canon battle The Fantastic Tournament: Champions Edition

Weapon/Abilities:
Nothing. It’s a vase. It’s immobile. It’s nonsentient. It has a carrying capacity of nearly two gallons. Contained within it are three grenades, somewhat caked in the cocaine sitting at the bottom.

Description:
White in color, the vase is decorated with blue painted birds and flowers. Narrow at the top and wide at the bottom. It’s large enough that the average person can fit their arm in there with maybe getting it stuck for a bit. It’s got a spot of blood on it, and several relatively unnoticeable scratches, but other than that, is in remarkably good condition. It’s a vase. It has no personality.

Backstory:
For a perfectly ordinary vase, it sure had an interesting history. Wherever it went, it would take interesting situations along with it. An uncountable number of gang wars. The Kennedy Assassination. The Hindenburg disaster. Hitler being rejected from art school. That one time the ice cream store ran out of everything. Somehow, it managed to be indirectly responsible for all of these things, merely by being there, serving some nefarious purpose.

Here’s an example of an average day for this vase. John Arnold found the vase, immediately deciding it had value just from the look of it, so he did what anybody would do in this situation. He put it on Craigslist. He managed to get a response in less than an hour, and put it in the back of his pick-up truck, next to all the pillows and blankets his daughter had forgotten to take out when she arrived at her friend’s house for a sleepover. After a particularly nasty pothole in the road, the back of the truck managed to jolt open, causing the vase to fall out of the moving truck, along with the pillows and blankets, cushioning its fall. Little Timmy Trinket saw this, and went to get the vase in amazement, only to end up with a gun pointed towards his head once he picked it up. Mr. Trinket owed a lot of money to the mafia, and Timmy would apparently have a new residence until that could be paid. Timmy carried the vase all the way to the mafia hideout, as the mobster figured they could probably use it for something. As it so happens, it was the perfect thing to stuff with cocaine. They had a deal going on later, and needed something that somebody would expect to pay a lot for to hide it in. On the way to the deal, unfortunately, it became apparent that a local gang had caught wind of this deal, and intercepted it. A firefight broke out, with the vase in the middle of it all. Somewhere during all of this, somebody managed to lose track of the vase, almost like it had just disappeared. During the battle, the vase had just managed to be there the whole time. Every emotional hook, every climactic death, every important event. The vase was there, and probably responsible for it. Right to the very end, where it managed to be knocked over, pushing a jar of antimatter onto the final contestant. Back in its home world, it continued doing its thing. It managed to get over to Iraq at some point, where it regularly traded hands between the US Soldiers and Iraqi insurgents. At the point of abduction for the second time, it was serving as a container for holding grenades.

Tournament Information:
The Executive Producer just can’t have a battle that isn’t televised. He loves popularity, so of course The Multiversal Consensus wanted your votes, viewers. All the contestants were chosen based on user vote, as were the arenas, and many of the events that happened during the course of the game. Of course, the multiversal constant are trolls and assholes. This battle was filled with the most hilariously useless combatants ever, and there was a large campaign to have the inanimate object win via overwhelming all of the user choices to be in its favour. The vase made every single kill in that battle. Everything from a cocaine high gone bad, to antimatter application, to simply being a distraction at the wrong moment. Some might have seen this user takeover as a failure, but the Executive Producer saw it as a monumental success. He didn’t have to do anything, and he was able to pump out an ungodly amount of merchandise based around a vase. Surely, the vase would be a fan-favourite for its reprise in Champions Edition. And the Errand Boy said it was a terrible idea. The Executive Producer never needed him in the first place!